I had a conversation recently, where someone asked me how much longer I was going to put so much focus on the daughter that I lost nearly one year ago. How much longer was I going to talk about her? With a new baby on the way, was I not in a position to be more “past” this?
Now I gotta be honest, the me 6 months ago would have probably laid this person flat. I mean scorched earth style with me saying a lot of loud, angry, ugly words that left us both feeling sick and sad.
But I’ve grown in my grief and I have come to understand that unless you have been here, you aren’t going to get it, and you aren’t supposed to. And me telling you how wrong I think you are isn’t going to change a thing.
So if you have thought to yourself (or aloud) why I still talk about my daughter and why I have created Madison’s Closet….just ask!
I’d love to talk to you about this. About why she matters to me. About why I will continue to talk about and celebrate her as my child for as long as I have breath.
It helps me and other moms to have these conversations. I have had countless conversations over this last year with strong, brave, inspiring women who have in their own way saved my life in the days after losing Madison. I can only hope my story and my words will do the same.
To stop talking about her would be as strange as not talking about Reeves or Barrett or any of the other people in my life that I love. My Dad passed away 8 years ago. I still talk about him almost every day. I talk about Reeves to anyone that will listen! To not talk about my daughter would be unnatural.
If you don’t understand, get on your knees and be thankful. I am thankful too. Thankful you don’t have to feel the depths of grief that don’t end. Thankful that you never had to say goodbye to a child and figure out how to get up every single day and put one foot in front of the other.
If it bothers you or is not something you want to read or hear about, by all means we don’t have to talk about it. I have people that I care for very deeply that I have blocked on social media or hold only to casual conversation because a deeper conversation would be too irritating for us both. We can still be friends and send each other Christmas cards, but this is my life now.
I am and will always be Madison’s Mom.